Arghsnarf.

Arghsnarf is my new favorite word. I'm not sure where I found it, but I'm pretty certain somebody else came up with it first. It encompasses so much. It can be a feeling, an emotion, a mood, a situation, an epithet, or just a random word to be thrown about like a cat fluffing it's tail right in your face as you're trying to watch a movie. (Come to think of it, it's entirely possible that a cat fluffing it's tail into one's face may illicit a sound much like "arghsnarf".)

It rather describes the feeling and mood I'm in right now. Tired, close to falling asleep at my desk due to last night's rather substantial tossing and turning, ambivalent and struggling to stay motivated to work due to the impending possibility of unemployment, the apathy and distaste for looking for yet ANOTHER means of employment, the stress of looking for a place willing to take me on for my externship (REALLY people, it's an unpaid volunteer position! free labor! TEACH ME for heaven's sake!!), knitter's block, writer's block, a general listlessness and desire to do nothing more than eat chocolate and play video games that involve very little mental stimulation.

But I'm not in a foul mood. All these flavors of stress and weariness are really just background noise, an occasional annoyance not unlike laundry or bills or my co-worker's rather obnoxious musical choices. I'm also happy and excited, what with the weekend promising friends and fun and time in the woods. There are surprises I am in on, and I am happy to be a part of them, and feel honored in some cases to have been asked to join in. The day is passing quickly and I have caught up on my work. I have taken care of several bits of paperwork that have been nagging at me, been drinking my water and eating healthy. My knee has healed faster from it's little flare-up than I have ever seen it do before, I have finished traffic school and am otherwise satisfied with things.

The two mitigate one another, leaving me with a confounded and confuzzled conflagration of contrary consciousness. Converse conversations contain copious quantities of quizzical correspondences within my battered brain. The resultant mess is best described - succinctly - as "arghsnarf". Rather ineloquent, perhaps, but more accurate than any alternative I have found thusfar.

And so, paradoxically bored but content, burned tongue and full belly, I settle in to wait out the waning hours and hope that tonight will last longer than the day has seemed so far.