First Day/Last Day

I had a dream last night that I could not consider a nightmare in the strictest sense, but definitely not the world's nicest.

I had, for some strange reason, been given one day to live.

It was due to an illness. I think. But it was most assuredly going to happen. Whether it would be when I slept, or from an accident, by the next morning I would be dead. I was afraid, but most of all, I wanted to do so much. Time raced by as I tried to beat the clock. I had people to see. Places to go. Goals to accomplish. I had so much I wanted to do before the hour struck midnight.

When I woke, I was relieved that I had yet another day to start again, to do everything I wished to do.

But... I haven't.

Each day, I wake up with a list of "to do", things I need to accomplish, steps toward bigger goals on occasion, but mostly?... mostly it's just stuff to get through another day. Bills. Groceries. Errands. Washing the car, taking out the dry cleaning, checking the mail. This? This is my life? And if I get hit by a car walking across the street? What will I have done to show for it? Each day I am given the gift of another chance, another shot at fully embracing the life I have. Sometimes, when I fall asleep next to my love, I wonder about the future, and whether one of us will outlive the other... and if am I truly showing him how much I love him daily. Does he know? More than that, have I treasured each moment with him, savoring this brief time I have to share?

I was part of a class once that covered a concept called First Day/Last Day. The idea was based on the adage "today is the first day of the rest of your life". It's true, most certainly. But what if something happened today and "the rest of your life" was just this sunrise, just this laugh, just this moment? Would it not be a good idea, then, to live life as though we KNEW we had no promises, that today might very well be our last chance? That today is the LAST day of the rest of our lives?

I can't help but wonder if the dream was a reminder. Not a prophecy, for Free Will by and large negates destiny, but perhaps a warning? A not-so-subtle backhand to remind me to treasure today, this Springtime, these blooming flowers, these bird songs, this sunset, this moonrise. Who is to say I will have another? No, I must embrace it now, with heart wide open, senses stretched to take it all in.

This is my life. I will live it.