Full Belly, Empty Throat

I'm hungry.

Which is funny, because if tried to eat something right now, I'd probably make myself ill from how full my belly is. I've eaten already, see. Two sandwiches - one PB&J, one PB&Honey. A KitKat bar. And a full bottle of water I guzzled down in an attempt to fill up my stomach. Oh, and let's not forget I had breakfast, too: a full bowl of Cheerios with skim milk and a glass of OJ to wash down my vitamins.

I find myself craving food. not just any food, FLAVORFUL food. I'm tired of bread and peanut butter and bananas and water and bland bland bland. I want soda. I want fries. I want a bacon-lettuce-tomatoe sandwich with avocado and mayonnaise, dripping with juices. I was chocolate and sugar and texture. Oh yes, texture. A mix of light crisp with squish behind it. The bread for the B.L.T. toasted, with the avocado ripe and squishy. Peanut-butter M&M's, with the crunch of the candied shell followed by the yielding creamy interior. A KitKat bar with the soft chocolate coating, hiding a delightfully light crispy cookie. Thick milk. Fizzy soda. These things I desire.

But I am not actually hungry. I have a full stomach. At least, it feels full. Ish. But I hunger still. It's higher in the stomach, deep down in the esophagus, a pit, a bubble of air that cries out for satisfaction from empty calories and fattening foods.

Hunger is one of the most basic needs of the living creature. The hypothalamus will not be denied. So how do I fight this war?

If I give in, I feel guilty, and know I have done my body a disservice.

If I hold out, I feel miserable and hungry and anxious and grumpy. My head hurts and stomach growls.

It is a war I do not yetknow how to win.